The Newfie Stud Bob liked to frequent the Newfoundland beaches, but was never able to attract the girls. He decided to ask his friend George the lifeguard for advice.

"It's dem big baggy swimming trunks, my son. Dey're years outta style. Yer best bet is to grab yeself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small, and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm telling ye, man...ye'll have all de babes ye wants!"

The following weekend, Bob hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick!

Bob went back to George the lifeguard and asked him, "What's wrong now?"

"Lard-Tunderin' Jeezus b'y!" said George, "the potato goes in the front

Newfie Mental Hospital
George and a Newfie feller were both patients in a mental hospital in St. John’s. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, George suddenly jumped into the deep end.


He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. The Newfie promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled George out.

When the medical director became aware of the Newfie's heroic act he immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered him to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell the Newfie the news he said, "Newf, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound thinking and judgment.

The bad news is, George, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

The Newfie replied "He didn't hang himself; I put him there to dry ... So...how soon can I go home?"

Good ones JJ ! And remember that I'm not a Newf by birth, I just dipped into the gene pool to manufacture Kayla. Trust me, the pool wasn't that deep - and I didn't hang anyone to dry (yet!)