POWER OUTAGE
At my recent assault trial, I offered a plea of "Guilty with an
explanation." The judge asked me what my explanation was, so I told
my story.
"Your Honor," I said, "I had a mammogram appointment, which I
actually kept. I was met with: 'Hi! I'm Belinda!' This perky clipboard
carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned,
'All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the
waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?' I'm thinking,
'Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science.' Belinda skipped
away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right side finished,
Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you
stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get
everything?''Fine', I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of
air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck
and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity
(with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of
square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap!
Complete darkness and the power went off!
Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda said, and
headed for the door.
Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I
shouted. Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy...the
door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be
right back.' Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared.
And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men
extraordinaire, found me... half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of
Life, and the other part smashed between glass!
After exchanging a polite 'Hi, how's it going' type greeting, Bubba
(or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power
was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much
calmness as possible 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.' 'You bet, take
care' Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the
line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making
no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am sooo sorry!'
The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I
went to lunch. Are we upset?'
And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the
clamps...."
The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said 'Case
Dismissed!!'..
Mon Feb 22, 2010 8:32 am
