grief is an awful feeling :(

So i'm sure you have all heard by now from the other post, but I thought id just fill everyone in a bit more, and i need to let out some grief, and i think this is definately the best, most supportive way to do it.

on Saturday, Nov 20th, my 11 yr old QH Denver, died very suddenly. after several opinions and a brief examination done by a friend of mine, we concluded it to be most likely an aneurysm of sorts. there were no signs of a struggle of any kind, he wasnt sweated up, and there were no external injuries. you could see where he was walking across the pasture, then he just dropped like a rock. his tooth was through his lip, indicating he was dead before he even hit the ground.
the only comfort i can take from this is that it was quick, and probably painless.

and let me tell you, i have one awfully lonely filly. ive heard that horses can grieve, and they feel loss. but i'd never seen it. she spent all morning standing by his side. occassionally pawing the ground around him and making very weird whining type noises and little nickers. even after we buried him, she stood in the spot where he fell for hours and hours.

we laid him to rest in a quiet corner of my pasture in around some pretty juniper trees.

i am beyond devastated. i hardly know what to do with myself. i am pretty much cried out.

he was a very special horse, and even though we only had a short 2 1/2 years together, i can say with confidence that they were the best ones of my life, and he was my best friend, my teammate. i was so very lucky to have had the chance to love him, he was my perfect horse.

i never expected this day to come so soon, but im trying my best to keep moving forward. there is a place in my heart that will never be filled, but i will do everything i can to try and patch it up.

i wish no one would ever have to feel this kind of pain and mourning :(
hug your ponies everyday!

rest in peace my favorite big red boy <3

"You and your horse. His strength and beauty. Your knowledge and patience and determination and understanding and love. That's what fuses the two of you onto this marvelous partnership that makes you wonder, What can heaven offer any better then what I have here on earth?"

--Monica Dickens

Wow so sorry for your loss... That is one of the hardest things is saying goodbye to our 4 legged critters...

I know animals grieve. When my old dog died, his brother, a couple years younger than him would not eat, would not get off his brother's blanket. Out side we couldn't get him to come in to the heated garage. When we made him come in, he had the runs all over that garage. That was his and his brother's place, so my daughter went and bought me a new puppy. Grunt hated that puppy for about a week, now he doesnt leave his side..
So i feel for you and your horse and I am so sorry for your loss...
Hugs

It's trite - but time will heal the loss....I can finally talk about my Abby without tearing up....a friend told me an Abby story yesterday, about a wonderful memory she had of her ( she was one special mare...everyone who ever met her loved her) - and it made me feel so proud, and incredibly blessed to have had her in my life....treasure your memories, you were lucky to have had him....I thought she was my once-in-a-lifetime horse, but now I have Arrow and Dolly, 2 horses that needed me, as much as I need them....I wouldn't have Arrow if Abby hadn't been put to sleep, we got him only 3 weeks later, I said I wasn't going to rush into it, and then we heard about this little pinto horse who was up for sale as his owner had lost interest, and we got him before he went to the dealers, and he is absolutely marvelous for me....divine timing? Who knows....crap, now I'm getting teary eyed at work....and yes, hug your horse/dog/cat/and special people too, today!

So sorry for your loss.

:hug.gif:

My condolences to you, RBP. It is so hard losing a dear friend.

I had almost the same thing happen to me 2.5 years ago. My Jewel who I'd had since a weanling, was 10 and died suddenly, in the exact same way, leaving my other pony, Teeka and myself unbearably devastated. I know how you're feeling. And I also know that nothing anyone says right now will make it better. Just trust me on this, it will get better and you will take comfort in a few things -- no suffering, no long illness, no pain, and no impossible decisions on your part. You and your filly will get over it together. Oh now I'm teary eyed too. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Ellie*Mae is right too, someday you'll be able to talk about it easier. But for now, let it all out.

So very sorry to hear of your loss, keep all those fantastic memories of him close to your heart and he will always be there with you, watching over you. He was very special to have you, and I think the 2.5 years that were the best of your life -were probably the best of his life too! Take care and lots of hugs being sent your way!

My heart breaks for you. I can certainly feel your pain, you expressed so well in your posting.

I don't have any words of wisdom that I can share with you, but it does seem that some of the previous posters do have some experience in this and have shared some great insight.

It is good that you came here to share your grief, I think talking about it helps. No doubt you and your mare are going to have some painful, tear filled days ahead. The pain will lesson with time, and you will be able to talk/think about Denver, and be able feel all the good feelings you shared with him. When your ready, I know I would love to hear about Denver, and all the fun you had together has a team. Talking about the good stuff ( in time) might help manage the pain. Everyone grieves differently.. just know you have support here with us all. Its a great place to unload your feelings, the good and the bad. If there is anything anyone can do.. just ask..


The pictures you shared are lovely, he was a beautiful boy with amazing eyes. You are so lucky to have those pictures as a great way to keep his memory alive. Your love for one another shines through in the photos.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Sorry to hear about Denver. I know all about your pain as my mare Salsa just passed on November 23..Like you it was sudden and she was only 11..

Hugs

WOW not a good month for sure ladies I am so sorry for all the loss you have to all deal with it is so hard... Big HUGS to you all....

Holy Jumpens... I'm sorry for the loss of your horse.. :(

wow, i am so sorry for you.... must be very hard to lose your friend like that.. prayers and hugs to you....

Oh so sorry for your loss...what beautiful pictures of you both together. Good to share your story with us, hope it helped a bit. :hug.gif:

I'm so sorry to hear about your sudden loss of Denver. I can't imagine the saddness that you are feeling now. Just know that we are here for you.

:hugs_graphics_

So sorry for your loss



Feel content in the fact that you provided a beautiful and loving home to him. He was well loved.... Cherish those pictures...

Also, sorry to Salsasue on the loss of her horse as well....

The gang and I send hugs your way....

I too went through the loss of the horse that I thought was one in a million. She left me with her son Dylan and he is proving to be one in a million too. My heart breaks for you for your loss. Time does help heal diminish the hurt, but he will be in your heart always. (((HUGS)))

So very sorry for your loss!! No words can help but time will make things a little easier to bare!!
It,s sounds like he was very lucky to have you as his mom!((hugs))

You must have such a heavy heart right now. My thoughts are with you.

So sorry for your loss !! the pictures of you both together are so beautiful and will be a great comfort for you in the future !!!hugs to you !!!!

thanks everyone.
its been such a hard time for me. i just want to kiss his sweet little nose one more time :( its getting a little easier, but the fact that im away at school right now is probably contributing to that. its going to hit me like a brick wall when i get home and he isnt there to greet me :(