Think I'm horse-depressed.

Sounds crazy right? The one thing that used to make me feel better than anything in the whole wide world could be depressing me?

I think there are a lot of factors getting me down lately, but horses used to be my saviors.

I have some confessions I have to get off my chest.

Since Jewel, my old horse died, I've ridden Teeka once.

ONCE!

When did Jewel die? Almost 3 years ago.

I hardly feel like a 'horse person' anymore! I don't spend any quality time with them. Lawn ornaments, that's all they are. I go feed in the morning, leave them. Go feed them in the evening, leave them. Muck. I brush them now and again. Give them carrots and apples occasionally. But it feels like chores. Never used to.

Teeka is a cranky freaking lady slipper. She won't let me pet her face, sneers at me when I come close, won't let me catch her to put a halter on... I guess she's mad that I don't pay her any quality attention any more. And I also don't make her respect me anymore. She never wears a halter at all and comes and goes as she pleases. The bad side of having a run-in. And maybe she misses Jewel too. After all, I had Jewel as an 8 month old. Teeka pretty well adopted her.

Dale, the loaner horse who is keeping Teeka company is untrained. He was my project. I still haven't made progress. Partially because he's an adult horse who doesn't know how to lunge and I have no roundpen, but really, I'm not here to kid anyone. I'm not putting in the effort.

So I've come to the conclusion that Teeka and I are both missing Jewel. Also I might be getting lazy, but I'm not feeling good emotionally lately.

So what now.

Well I'm determined to turn this around. My work schedule sucks, but it does mean that I'm home a lot. So instead of being depressed about work, I'm going to be happy about having "Teeka time".

I plan to force myself (at first, until it gets easier) to spend at least a half hour in the barn every day -- mucking, brushing, petting, etc.

I hope to do something with each horse once a week (again, until it gets easier). Even if it means just clipping a halter on them and a lead and walking them around the arena or the driveway. Just something.

So... send me some good vibes. I need to get my horse mojo back. :(

I know what you're going through. I find that it's a rare occasion when I get a chance to brush, pet or even ride my lawn ornaments. I think that part of it is having your own place. Don't get me wrong, I love having the boys right outside my door. But the time that you'd spend brushing and riding if you were boarded out is spent on daily "chores". It can get depressing. There are many days when I have to force myself to go out and do the barn chores. Once I get my pixie outside though, I'm always happy that I went. Makes for a much better day.

I wasn't getting much pony time so I readjusted my schedule. I used to do the barn in the morning after dropping Kayla at school. But I found that I was scurrying into the house like a cat with a firecracker up his pixie, just so I could veg out in front of the tv and eat junk. NOW I go out and do the barn around 1:30. Kayla's bus gets home at 3:30, so I spend my hour doing the barn and I just don't let myself go back into the house until Kayla gets home. I either just go and pet the boys or putter around the barn.

Just because you don't feel motivated doesn't mean you love your horse any less. I agree that you're both feeling the loss of Jewel. And horses seem to KNOW when you aren't living in the now - which is why I think Jewel's behaviour towards you has changed. My mare Shelby (she's at a new home now) was FANTASTIC as a therapy horse. She knew when my mind wasn't totally on her and she'd react to that. Pin her ears, turn her butt to me, etc. On the days when I was "in the now" she was the best behaved horse you'd ever meet.

Keep in mind that you don't have to ride or doing anything else constructive with the horses to make the time count. Just go out and be with them - you'll eventually figure it all out. Plus summer is coming and that gets us all in a better mood!

Ahhh Tammy, thanks for making me feel better. I was so tense last night. You're right, summer will make me feel better. I often start feeling like this at the end of winter. I'm taking my time this morning over my breakfast and message boards (my ritual) and then going out to feed and brush and muck. I hope I can get out of this funk. Teeka is wasting away :(

Teeka, you are not alone. OMG you sound just like me when it comes to the horses. When my Major died (4 years ago) my interest in the horses just dropped off the face of the earth. I have ridden maybe 12 times since then and the more time that passes the more guilty I feel about it. I feel like I'm just a slave to them at times and I resent that I spend so much money and I'm getting very little in return. It doesn't help that I've been trying to find a new home for George (we just aren't compatible) since last September. My energy and finances have been drained over the winter and I really need to change things. Honestly I can't see myself without a horse(s), but I want a horse I can enjoy like I used to have with Major.

You are on the right track with your approach. In the beginning you have to force yourself to do things. Last week I forced myself to take Prince into the roundpen and work with him. It was a beautiful evening and I was wasting it sitting on the couch. I always fell better after I do something but it is such a struggle to get started. I know that probably sounds crazy to someone who has never suffered from depression but that's the reality for some people.

Keep plugging away at it. There's a saying "fake it till you make it"

I know just how you feel, as well. Had a right good cry over it from out behind the barn last night.

My horse is a lost cause. Working with him is a daunting task that I just don't know if I want to do any more. He has completely made me a total sissy in the saddle and ruined riding for me. I love riding, I've ridden for 15 years. I would ride anything you allowed me to. Will I get on my own horse? Nope. Now I am also half scared of everything else. I could clock him, I really could.

My pony has had way to much time off and needs some serious buckling down before I can truly pass him to my daughter. Do I ride him? Nope. Every time I work with the pony I feel like I am letting the big guy down. So I just do nothing with either, problem solved! Only not at all. Because both of them are wasting out there.

I also board. I still buy them feed and hay and bedding, I still need to go down there at least twice a day to feed, muck, water, and turn them out/in. So I have all the chores and to do's as someone who keeps them home, only I pay to do it. For horses I don't ever ride. Or really ever touch aside from a quick brush, a hoof trim, and some good scritches. All my tack is either home or out on loan because I just don't use it. Which is sad, I have some really nice stuff I really want to get use out of!

I don't know what to do myself. I am starting school on Monday for 14 weeks and then taking my course in September. I don't have much time to do things with them now, how the heck am I supposed to juggle all of this?

I think the reason why I (we?) get SO bent out of shape over this, is because I know that I adore my horses, am passionate about riding, and yet I feel that I lost my passion. Losing interest is one thing, but to feel like losing passion over something that (like you said) makes you feel better than anything in the whole wide world... That just friggin sucks. I feel like I've failed myself and more importantly my boys whom despite me dreading doing anything with, I still adore and want the best for them.

I think Tammy might be right, summer will get us all in a better mood. Fingers crossed, and plenty of vibes sent your way, from one horse-funked rider to another!!

*DEEP BREATH*
Ahhhh. I'm sorry for you guys too, but in a twisted way, its nice to know I'm not alone. I felt like I was admitting to a huge flaw or something.

I have progress. My hands smell like horses right now. I keep pushing my nose into them and breathing deep. I smell like I used to. :) This morning instead of trudging up to the barn in my pjs to throw some food in, I changed into my barn clothes. I fed, haltered each horse, took them out in the cross ties and gave them a good brushing, and then I mucked. I feel awesome right now. When I finished brushing Teeka she had her ears up. It made me feel so good to see that. I don't see it much anymore.

When I'm sad I have two go-to animals. Teeka and my dog Holly. They are both, of all my animals, the most sensitive to my feelings. The difference between them is when I'm really down, Teeka gets down too whereas Holly will snuggle me and lick my face and hug me and make me feel better. So I go to Holly instead of going to Teeka who obviously needs me too. But I'm realizing these things now which seems like a huge step in the right direction for me.

You are definately not alone, I was feeling very overwhelmed too so I sold 2 of my 3, so that will leave me looking after 8 plus a donkey. Me and Bucky just didn't click the way I wanted and my daughters pony who I adore is lame and has been for over a yr now.....so we made the decison to sell him to a retirement situation, which beats the alternative which would be putting him down, he is not ready for that. We are lucky that she still has all kinds of very well trained show horses to ride however not one of them is any good for the trails :/ except my good old stbd mare who you can take anywhere do anything with so I have to share..... makes it hard to have a mother daughter trail ride which she loves and so do I. Hopefully the right lg pony will come into our lives for her and we can enjoy the horses together again, instead of me dragging 2 kids down to the barn (1 who hates being down there half the time) to do chores.... it's all work and no fun.....a little appreciation would go a long way to though I guess.....

I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling that way. Right now I have to get dressed and go to the barn and what am I doing?...sitting here at this stupid computer. It's such a struggle to just "GO"... I'm not into it like I should be. I haven't ridden in almost 3 weeks. Will do ground work today only as I have been sick for a couple of weeks with cold, allergies??dunno...but I have absolutely NO energy and no ambition to ride right now. I will be moving Sailor back to the smaller stable where he was last summer, at then end of this month, and maybe hang out and ride more with friends at that smaller friendlier barn and less expensive. I have a 1/2 leaser but she's sick with mono..haha..so she's not riding for another month or so. So Sailor will become a "barn potatoe" if I don't work him soon...blaaah. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp me Snap out of itt!...LOL

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Teeka is a cranky freaking lady slipper. She won't let me pet her face, sneers at me when I come close, won't let me catch her to put a halter on... I guess she's mad that I don't pay her any quality attention any more. And I also don't make her respect me anymore. She never wears a halter at all and comes and goes as she pleases. The bad side of having a run-in.

Dale, the loaner horse who is keeping Teeka company is untrained. He was my project. I still haven't made progress. Partially because he's an adult horse who doesn't know how to lunge and I have no roundpen, but really, I'm not here to kid anyone. I'm not putting in the effort.

Just so you know..My Katie mare is out 24/7..and will be 15 this year..competed hard for all but 5 years of her life..

She won't come to me either...lol My fault..never "played" with her enough so if I want her..it's for work, or vet stuff, etc.. Don't blame her even though it frustrates me...

I have a project horse too! He is about 8 or 9 years old... The tough part about him is he is so very skeptical, I can't get near him at all with a halter... need to trap him in a stall and even that takes a few mins to get it on him..

Going to work with both of them though... make them happier ponies which will in turn make me a happier owner.. :)

You can do it!

I appreciate everyone's efforts to cheer me up! I hope to get back on track soon. I want to play more with Teeka... although I'm not quite sure what to do to make her happy about being caught. She always freaks out when I take her more than two feet away from Dale so it's hard to do anything with just one of them.
Another week of crappy shifts at work this week so it means more time in the barn. I'm going to look for things to do with Teeka.

We laid my beloved mare to rest on November 17. Since then, I have felt unmotivated. It has been a long, hard winter here. I dedicate most of my time to my son, including my work time. I'm a preschool teacher, so I work in a super busy environment, with my son. I come home, have cooking and basic housework to do, then either my husband or myself has to clean out 7 stalls, fill 7 buckets, bed stalls, do hay, outside water etc etc etc. I am so tired by then, I don't want to drag myself out into the cold to 'play pony'.

I have been very much going through the motions. I have two great boarders who help me out and keep me riding and around the horses, but the drive has come from them, not from within. I feel guilty about being so lazy, and not having my former energy. I just can't seem to think straight, or get out of my own way.

This past weekend, I was in a penning clinic with my mare, Tiffany. All Saturday I was having an okay time, but just not feeling the passion. Basically, just not feeling. Yesterday afternoon, we had four great runs. Everything went haywire, but we worked well, and still had a full count on cattle that hadn't seen horses before. I actually felt really excited for the first time in ages, and a sense of deep gratitude to my wonderful mare that I could have emotionally turned away, but that she was still there, just waiting to reconnect.

I think that by just going through the motions, and by focussing on the positive, I am coming around. I mean, I have great horsey friends, wonderful horses, a loving family, and a roof over my head. I need to look at what I have, not what I want or have lost. I am going to force myself to be more active and 'into life'. And I am sure that eventually I will get back on track, as will you.

I've been feeling it too. We had SO MUCH SNOW this winter. By the time the horses were fed multiple times per day, 10 buckets of water filled in the house and lugged out to the barn and the goats/chickens were cared for I had no energy left for riding or 'fun stuff'.

Well, yesterday we ran the hose for the first time (WHOOHOOO!!!!) so no more bucket filling in the house. I also just put the whole round bale out with the horses and rolled it all out instead of unrolling (outside the fence) and spreading as usual. It's so much easier! I'm sure we'll have a lot more waste, but this gave me an extra 2 hours the last two days to go out and play. Got bridle paths all clipped and deshedded some of the wholly mammoths.

I wish I had a motivated boarder to perk me up.

Beauty is always bitchy. She sneers at me, pins her ears and just acts pissed all the time. I find if I do joinup exercises with her loose in the field (with the other horses) she joins right up with me and is a whole different horse within about 30 seconds. She needs to come in on MY terms. If I walk up to her and try to catch her, she's going to pin her ears, sneer and be a lady slipper whereas if I just spend 30 second doing joinup she comes right in and is happy. Try it! The night before last I had her following me all over the field without a halter or lead, doing walk/trot transitions. She liked it.

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yesterday we ran the hose for the first time (WHOOHOOO!!!!)

Isn't that the best. I always look forward to being able to use the hose again. Next big thing is when I can leave it attached to the tap all night and not have to drain it. Simple things make me so very happy after a long winter.

Are you still at risk of freezing SD? I've had no problems since hooking mine up (I don't bring it in).

Went riding yesterday for the first time since the end of January and it was great. Beauty was surprisingly good! I'm going to try and just get out there now. Once I'm out there getting ready to gather the horse its fine, the hard part is getting off my buttercup! Its like the good and bad angel/devil on each shoulder, one telling me to go outside the other saying be lazy...come on, be lazy.....hahaha. It felt nice.

The tap doesn't freeze (heat tape), but the hose will freeze still at night if I leave it connected to the tap. I just drag it up the hill when I head back tot he house and it drains by itself.

I can't wait to hook up my hose for good too. The big bucket outside is starting to get dirty and I'm putting off cleaning it until I can hook up the hose. Lugging buckets of water is not fun.
Barn chores suck in the winter. That's a very good reason for my lack of motivation (though probably only accounts for 50%)

I can say I felt exactly how you feel. This winter was the first year that I have ridden as much as I have (at least 2x a week, mostly 4x) in about 6 years!
I was all excited to have a barn and fence built in my back-yard years ago! I was excited to go out and spend time with my horses, whenever I wanted! Ride whenever I wanted!
And then reality set in. There's the daily poop shoveling, daily hay moving, the boot eating mud in the spring, the extreme flys and mosquitoes in the summer and hauling water buckets every day from the house in the winter. I started out with two horses, but over time ended up with four. Every spare moment that I thought I'd have for riding was taken up by mundane chores like sweeping cobwebs, moving feed bags, trying to track down another delivery of hay (then trying to move and stack and then feed said hay), not to mention with injuries that needed treatment.
Oh, and did I mention that I was working a full time AND part time job at the same time too!!!
Then my old horse Spike, that I had for 10 years passed away. Then the horses didn't really matter anymore. They were just things that took up more time, more money, more energy. I was the only one in my area that rode (and since my old horse was the horse that friends would come over and ride, they couldn't do that anymore) and had no truck and trailer to go anywhere, I just didn't ride.
I had a horse that I purchased as a project sit out in the field for almost 4 years unbroke because I didn't care about riding anymore.
The horses got their hay, their water, and that was it.

So I know exactly how you feel.

Unfortunately I don't have any real help for you as my remedy was to keep only one horse and move out to New Brunswick and basically start a new life.
But it sounds like you're not the only one and nobody should ever feel bad about saying that they're unmotivated or don't enjoy being with their horse anymore. We all go through rough patches. Others have dealt with it and you can too. Keep in mind, mud season will soon be over and summer will be here!